"Annnnd onto Ke$ha because i realized that her stuff is way more relateable than Lady Gaga"

"Im 3 weeks pregnant! Rate me? SINGLE"

"This chick was so fucking ugly, seriously on a scale from 1-10 she should hang herself."

From a few days ago, but still hilarious.

"road head:) ahhhhh!"
Or insert any status from Jeff's sister Morgan

"Hate now n not dealing with stupid guys who just want to waist my time"

Notice the use of the word stupid followed by the misuse of the word "waist"

"(Porn - visuals) x Twice the speed = Techno"

"Squishy squishy squishy"

"Think outside the box.. Do what you're told couldn't, shouldn't, or can't be done!

Unless you're a lesbian. Then it's box all the way."
Synn is the man lolz

"Thank goodness that Antoine Dodson caught Roethlesberger. He won't be raping any more kids, wives, or husbands."

"I just got back from a funeral. It was like, hella depressing."
-The Aforementioned Morgan Brinson

"Thank You Lil B, The Based God for this bountiful meal and my girlfriend. Oh my god Based god you could fuck my bitch Based God. Swag."

"PLEASE put this as your status if you know someone who has been eaten by a Dragon. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn't know, they can totally breathe fire. 60% of people WON'T copy and paste this because they have already been eaten by dragons; 38% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers; and the remaining 2% are awesome and will re-post."

Jesus Wanlana
‎\\.//
2 hours ago · Like · Comment

watching the last exorcist with my mom then going to bed.... DBL at hooters tomorrow! come bring me your money for new ( . )( . ) lol

"hey yo bitch get me some water and lemon" - Landyslam

"dear best buy, if you see a pretty girl in need of some assistance maybe you should help her instead of just standing around. you're pissing me off..."

At least, she's actually pretty, so this was cute.